It’s a hard thing for me to admit when I’m not okay. So it’s a very vulnerable thing for me to be sick.
There’s a bug going the office here at Adventures. And I was one of the first ones to catch it.
Most of my week last week looked like me lying in bed with a fever, cough, and chest congestion. It took me four days to recover enough to go back to work. And a week after it first hit me, I’m still got a persistent cough happening.
I don’t do well with being sick. Nor have I been this sick in a long time…I’m talking several years, here.
I was worried about my performance and how much material I was missing. There was guilt, shame, and a comparison to how much time it was taking me to recover versus other people. I was supposed to be better already, but I wasn’t. Which meant there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t over this already.
I reacted the way a person driven by performance does (there it is again). I was afraid I’d be in trouble with my course leaders or my supervisor at my apprenticeship. I felt the inward cringe, preparing myself for what was to come. [How is it, in American culture, that we’ve become to obsessed with performance that we feel guilty for taking time to take care of ourselves?]
That’s not the reaction I got, though.
Grace. Understanding. Empathy. People wishing me to feel better, automatically agreeing I should go take care of myself first; others offering to help take on parts of my projects so they’d get done.
Life’s a little different when you work for an organization that’s focused on God. They strive to love you just like He does.
